How to forgive a serial cheater
There’s only a couple of different instances where I would suggest you forgive a serial cheater for repeatedly cheating. But the first thing you want to ask yourself is: what do I want from a relationship? If the answer to that question, is a loving, monogamous, healthy, honest, relationship that you can build your life around, then continuing to date or even marrying a guy who is a serial cheater is just kind of dumb.
However, let me tell you a story about a wife who did forgive a serial cheater and why she did it, even though a loving, monogamous, healthy, honest, relationship was what she really wanted.
Forgiving repeated affairs
When she found out her husband was having an affair it was quite by accident. He had left his cell phone on the kitchen table and saw that he had gotten a text message from one of his lovers. She was of course horrified but had no idea how deep it went. She decided not to say anything for awhile because it was so shocking to her and took her quite by surprise, and she wanted to know everything she could before confronting him.
What she found was even more shocking. First, she started going through his browser history on his laptop. Not only did she find an obscene amount of pornoagraphy (which she could care less about), be she also found multiple instances of him frequenting sex personal sites, of all kinds. Apparently he wasn’t just cheating on her, he was cheating on her with at least 7 different girls, some of whom weren’t even that attractive.
When she finally did decide to confront him about it, he became beat red and began to sob. He said ever since he was a teenager he had an almost compulsive need to sexual outlet. He tried to control it for awhile by masturbating but he just became more and more agitated. She considered the amount of sex they had to be a reasonable amount, a few times a week, and didn’t understand why he would have to seek out sexual partners outside of the relationship.
He had cheated on her with half the city and she was rightly livid with him for it. He didn’t try to hide or lie about what he’d done and when she called him a sleazy pig, and other not-nice names he completely agreed with her.
It occurred to her at some point to research sexual addiction. She loved her husband and she knew that he loved her too. She could tell he was ashamed of what he had done and didn’t understand why he would do it in the first place. When she did a little research on sexual addiction, it became apparent she wasn’t dealing with the man she loved, but the monkey the man she loved had on his back.
Sexual addiction is characterized by a compulsive need for sexual release. Sufferers report a feeling of agitation and discomfort that can only be satisfied by masturbating or having sex. Generally after the desire is satisfied they don’t feel relief so much as shame, but that is actually preferable to the agitation and anxiety they were feeling.
While there are differing theories on why sexual addiction happens, those who suffer can be treated using twelve step programs, support groups, and cognitive behavioral therapy that helps recondition their responses. Sometimes medication for the anxiety also helps.
In time, she learned to forgive her husband and she understood that he may slip up again. But her love for him and the effort he made in fixing himself was more than enough to earn her forgiveness.
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